One night, I needed to go clear my head from a situation that was hurting my heart. When I do this, I go for drives and think and ponder and sometimes I end up finding a place to park and sit and think some more. One night I ended up driving down a beautiful country road that had no outlet and at the end there was a big paved circle to turn around in. I decided to stop and park because it was so beautiful and peaceful and didn't look like a busy road at all. There was a house on each side at the end of this road. One you could hardly see because of the trees in front and the other was about a half acre from the road.
At the house that was visible, there was an older gentleman outside who looked like he was about to go in for the evening and he noticed me parking my car and sitting there. He sat there for a while staring and then walked all the way down his dirt road to his fence and locked gate to yell at me and ask me what I was doing there. I opened my car door to hear him more clearly and responded with- "just taking a little quiet time to myself to clear my head" to which he replied "well this probably isn't the best place for you to do that! And you should do it somewhere else "and he scowled at me to which I responded "oh I'm sorry, I didn't think this was private property and I didn't think there would be a problem. sorry". This sent him into a fit and he started yelling and cussing and waving his arm at me. I was a little shocked and a bit disturbed at his behavior. I closed my car door as he walked back to his house muttering something under his breath.
I went back to looking at the beauty of the night and nature and thinking and a few minutes later, he proceeded to get into his truck and drive down his road to the end where he had a large locked gate and parked his truck with his brights on and aimed directly at me so that I would leave. I actually giggled to myself and then I thought “ wow! how sad! He has no idea my story or who I am or what I am going through but he is uncomfortable with anyone even near his space.” I mean his house was quite a long way from the road and his property was all completely fenced and gated and locked but me sitting in the car at the end of the road was a threat to him somehow.
I thought about how we as humans do this to each other. We build a fence around our heart and put a tall gate with a lock around it so nobody can get inside because we have been hurt and then someone does something that wasn't even meant to hurt us but we look to take offense anyway and stand guard and show anger to keep our distance and "protect" ourselves. This is all from pain- Pain that we choose to not heal from- Pain from the past where we don't let go and where we hold on and don't forgive. Interesting thing is we build our own prison and we become our own prisoners and life becomes even more painful and less enjoyable because people end up having relationships with our walls and we never let them in. I felt sad for this man. I wondered what made him such an angry person with so many walls and I felt badly for him. I wondered where he had been so wounded that he had to literally go yell at a stranger just for even invading his very guarded space from the road. I learned a lot from this man and I was grateful for the lesson. I said a prayer for him that he may find healing in his life and I drove away with more to ponder.
What walls hold you back in your relationships?