Every morning I sit down with a notebook and I write... .Dear God, and then I proceed to pour my heart out and tell him all about what is going on with me and my life and my joys and my pain and my happiness and frustration and my gratitude and those things that are weighing on my heart and mind and then I ask questions....I just let my pen flow and get it all out and then....I hear His voice, I hear His answers, I feel His love and I get inspiring ideas and direction in my life and comfort and huge answers and little answers and sometimes silence so I can ponder and over time this has become easier and easier to hear Him and to also hear my inner voice. Its an amazing experience to feel this direct communication and to know I can be still and always know He is there. I got this idea from a book I read called "Writing Down Your Soul". I would recommend this to anyone who wants to become closer to God and who wants to get more in touch with their inner voice. It has been life changing for me :)
I feel inspired to write about this today so here goes: since one of my specialties is grief and loss- be it through relationships, death, health, a pet, losing a job etc. I have worked with hundreds of people who have experienced loss in some way and I have people ask me often what to do or how to act when someone has died or is going through a loss. First of all... Never say "I understand" because even if you have experienced a similar loss, we don't understand even if we think we do.
Each person's grief is unique to them and significant to them in their own way. You can say " I hear you" or "I can't imagine how hurt you must feel, I'm here for you". Comparing losses is never a good thing either. Let's face it, loss hurts period. In whatever way it came into our lives, loss hurts, and just because someone lost an animal and someone else lost a person it doesn't mean one deserves more love and attention than the other or that one person's loss means less or has less significance than the other. We get to honor our pain and the pain in each other no matter what the circumstance is. The point is that someone is hurting from a significant loss and we get to just honor that.
Many times people don't know exactly what to say or do. I have found that one of the most significant things a person can do for another is to just sit in silence with them and allow them the tears and to speak and to just be there and walk through the grief with them. You don't have to take the pain away or try to make it all better by saying things like "at least you know they are in a better place" or " at least you can have another child " or " time heals all wounds" ( and the millions of other well meaning phrases people say that don't help at all)
I've observed how uncomfortable we seem to be as human beings allowing others to cry and feel their emotions and we want to make it all better real quick so that WE are more comfortable. In that moment it's not about US. It's about them and just allowing them to feel it and being the hand that holds theirs through it or the shoulder to cry on when they need to be held. We are taught how to acquire things and gain things but we really lack in knowing how to lose things or deal with loss. We aren't really taught how. We have to give ourselves permission to grieve. It's a great release and tears can be so cleansing. Oftentimes too people will say " let me know what I can do for you"...really? This person is in the middle of grief and they don't even know what they need except that they just want all the pain to go away.
As I've talked to people who have experienced deep loss what always seems to stand out in their mind is the significant moments to them when someone just showed up for them in a variety of ways like helping them make funeral arrangements or someone dropping a meal by or doing significant things that they don't feel capable of doing at the moment like even dropping by to take their kids to school because they were hurting so deeply that getting out of bed that day seemed impossible.
I have made it a habit not to ask "let me know what I can do for you" and rather thinking instead "what would I want someone to do for me in a moment like this?" and just doing it instead. When they know you are there to either just sit and listen or take a load off by showing up with a prepared meal or sending them notes of encouragement and love in the mail it makes a world of difference. It really does.
Lastly people who are grieving have expressed to me how isolated they feel sometimes because people act awkward around them and then avoid the topic and then all together start avoiding the person. Death seems to be a very awkward topic and on this I would still be the friend I was before and let that person take the lead in the conversation in allowing them to discuss it when they feel comfortable doing so and then when they do just honor their pain. They are on a roller coaster ride of emotions and sometimes just asking permission to hug them can help also letting them know that when they are ready to talk you are always ready to listen. If you are grieving, be gentle on yourself as it comes in waves and if you are the loved one watching someone go through grief, hold their hand and sit in silence with them. We all need each other and being supported and surrounded by love can make a world of difference!
I had a beautiful session recently with a woman who had carried the burden of a serious mistake she had made over 35 years ago and it was still running her life and had infiltrated into her parenting and her relationships with her children and was she continuing to pay a "penance" as she blamed herself over and over. She had created a prison for herself and came to me to find some solutions for healing. Within 2 hours she had released it and felt so much lighter after our session together. It took courage to do so.
Some of this behavior of punishing herself and not forgiving herself had been passed down from generations before. As she let go of it, she literally changed the healing in her whole family! That's how powerful healing, forgiving and letting go can be!! This also showed how powerful not letting go and forgiving can affect many as well.
Why do we hold onto our pain and not forgive ourselves? It serves no one. If you are holding onto something that you continue to beat yourself up for and can't seem to forgive yourself for, please realize you are causing yourself more pain and it's being passed down to the next generation. It keeps you in a prison of not having deep, connecting, meaningful, and authentic relationships where you can be vulnerable and open your heart. It puts up walls that people can't get past in order to see the beauty in your heart you have to offer. It keeps us from being fully loved and fully giving our love to others.
I hope you find a way to heal because you deserve it! We came from light and we are made to exist in light and that is where love comes from. You were born to do great things and when we block the light out, darkness stays and numbness sets in. I encourage you to seek the God of your understanding and to let the light in and free yourself from the prison you have built around your heart by seeking and finding a way to heal. You are not your experiences, your sins, your mistakes, or your past. They do not define you! You are precious and you matter! Sending you Love and Beautiful light that you can one day see that for yourself. :)
When I first created my business I tried to do everything on my own. In fact I thought it was up to me to do it ALL and it became taxing. I didn't know how I was going to handle being a mom working from home and still juggle all my responsibilities as well as run my businesses, find the people I wanted to work with, get the word out, create the income and feel fulfilled in what I was doing and have the energy to do it all. I soon learned that I couldn't do it all. So I decided I needed a partner who could carry the load and take care of things I didn't have the power to do. Someone who always had my back and believed in what I was doing just as much as I did. Someone who felt the passion and desire I do to heal the world. I needed someone who could summon the financing when I needed to invest in the growth of my business. Someone who would bring me the right contacts and connections and someone who believed in me every single day and cheered me on! I needed someone who could pick up the slack when I felt discouraged or let down or hit an obstacle that seemed insurmountable.
Guess what? I found Him!
That's when God became the CEO of my company. When I decided to make God my full time partner in my company EVERYTHING changed! I literally had to let go and relax and allow and it got easier! Way easier! Don’t get me wrong, I still work hard but I accomplish a lot more and I have more clarity on what that is to be. Every day we co-create together what we are to do in this company by literally sitting down and asking Him for direction. I have a notebook where I ask questions and I write down ideas and what comes to mind. I ask Him what we are to accomplish that day and he answers. The things I can't do, He takes care of for me. He brings me all the right people who I know I'm supposed to meet. He is the Healer and I am the instrument. He shows me how to find the answers and some days I just have to trust that He is taking care of the solutions I'm searching for.
Daily, He brings me beautiful people who have wounds that need healing and then I get to watch as He takes their band aids off and heals the wounds, leaving no scars. In the process He heals me as well. He even stretches time for me!
As I teach classes, the perfect people show up who are looking for the solutions I am teaching about and their life changes because of it! He is awesome like that! Every day He is my biggest cheerleader and He helps me create and live some big dreams. Before I used to just report at the end of the day in prayer and ask Him for what I needed and now I co create with Him every morning as we plan our day together, set goals and gain clarity in the vision we want to create together! It's amazing!! Then every night I report to Him what was accomplished and what l feel needs tweaking. The possibilities are endless!!! Love that Guy!! Never letting go of this Beautiful partnership!!